What’s So Important About Getting Your Life In Balance?

Living a life in balance brings value to every area of your life.

In the movie, The Karate Kid, Mr. Miyagi, the karate kid’s Dojo says “Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good…Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?” and then later, “Balance…lesson for whole life. Whole life have a balance. Everything be better.”

When we think of balance, we often think of balancing things like work and home life, budgets, and following a healthy, nutritious diet. However, I am beginning to realize that balance embodies so much more than just that. Balance is the backbone of every facet of our lives-peace, compromise, health, wellness, security, comfort, relationships, responsibilities, and just about everything else. Too much or too little of any of these things will throw off your balance and cause over-tension and strain.

So naturally I wanted to dive deeper into this topic with someone who knows about balance and models it very well. Check it out below.

I recently spoke with blogger and novelist, Carolyn Savage, about the topic of whole life balance and was amazed by the wisdom she shared. We talked a great deal about what healthy relationships look like, creating boundaries, saying no when necessary, money, taking care of ourselves, and so much more. Read below to gain some new and fresh insights on finding and maintaining balance in every part of life.

About the Live Heart-Fully Conversations

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Welcome to the Live Heart-Fully Conversations! The Live Heart-Fully Conversations are a series of interviews and conversations created to inspire, provoke, and challenge you to go deeper in feeding your own soul and pursuing stronger, authentic relationships with others. Over the next year, I am talking with some amazing powerhouse people who have had some true challenges, lived through them, and are now sharing their own personal power stories.

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Welcome Carolyn Savage

Carolyn holds a Bachelor of Science in Evolution and Ecology. She has been married to her husband for sixteen years. Together they have two daughters.

And now for the conversation!!!

The Conversation: Finding Balance in Every Facet of Life

Carolyn: I love those quotes from Mr. Miyagi and I think that he has it spot on. It’s so true. Balance is a lesson for your whole life. Without it, you’ll burn yourself out eventually. Balance is key.

Sarah: I love this quote too.

[For this conversation], we’re going to talk about whole life balance with a focus on the following components of our lives, and the consequences of the lack of balance in these areas. Those areas are: Peace and compromise, Health, Wellness, Security, Comfort, Relationships, and Responsibilities.

Finding Life Balance in Peace and Compromise in Relationships

What are your thoughts on relationships, including friendships, that seem one sided-you know the ones where one person always calls the shots, decides on things small and large, gets his/her own way all the time?

Carolyn: I feel relationships should be two sided. There needs to be a back and forth for them to be lasting and healthy, and without that, one person usually ends up feeling resentful and the relationship just won’t reach the potential that it could. There’s also a saying that I really like that helps me when I feel that a relationship isn’t meeting my needs […] ‘people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.’ So when I think about a relationship, I try to put it into perspective with that saying. It helps me to decide whether it’s time to move on or I should put more energy into the relationship and try and make it better [sic].

Sarah: I love that. I do think that relationships should be two sided, and I feel like this is common sense. If you asked anybody, they would agree. But the reality is, even if you agree with that idea, people still don’t have that kind of balance in their relationships.

Even I have been in a relationship before with a friend who would manipulate our conversations and manipulate the circumstances so that she was always getting what she wanted and never making compromises. […] We still are in a friendship today but it’s a lot healthier because we’ve had to work through a lot of issues. In some ways it was almost like being married to her because we had a lot of issues we had to work through in the relationship. But sometimes I feel like you just have to say, ‘no more of this relationship, at all!’

Have you ever been in a relationship that is unbalanced?

Carolyn: I have, and I think everyone has at one point or another, even if it’s not with a friend. I think a lot of work relationships can be like that. Your boss typically is the one calling the shots and deciding on things, and you don’t have as much control in the situations. So I think most people have.

And like with your friend, you guys were able to talk and come to a point where you can both be happy with it. Sometimes even if the relationship is unbalanced, if it’s, for you, something where it’s, ‘even though we’re always doing what she wants to do, you know if I’m getting that connection and if I’m getting that time out with a friend…’ maybe that’s all you need from that relationship. I think it really just depends on what you’re looking for from the relationship. And communication. You know you both talked.

Sarah: I think a lot of us have been in relationships like this. And to be honest, with my friend, it took a lot of conversation. It took a couple of years of lots of arguing and bickering and fighting. I just had enough and I made the decision that I’m going to be indifferent. I’m not going to care, and I’m not going to reach out to her anymore. And if she cares about this relationship than she’s going to reach out to me eventually. And she did. She came to my door one night with some, gifts, which I’m not even a gifts person. I’m more of a quality time person. But she came and she brought some gifts, and she apologized to me and it’s been better ever since.

Carolyn: I think for any relationship, whether it’s a personal one or a work one, communication is key. You need to be able to talk with the other person and tell them how you’re feeling. And they need to be receptive to what you’re saying. And without that, the relationship’s not going to work. It needs to be the give and the take.

Everyone has their own strength and different things that they can bring to the relationship to make it work. And if you don’t feel that you’re getting what you need from that relationship then you need to decide, is it time to let it go and see if the other person’s going to come up and step up to the plate like your friend did, or not. And if they don’t then you’ve decided that you’re ready to move on, then you need to just let it go.

How do you think pride can throw off balance, particularly in our relationships?

Sarah: Yeah, I agree. And I would also add to that too is growth. If you’re going to grow in your relationship and go deeper and allow yourself to be more authentic and real then you have to put all of your pride aside. You know because in order to really grow, you have to allow yourself to become vulnerable and transparent. That’s where relationships really start moving forward and growing, and that’s where you can really make deeper connections.

Carolyn: Definitely […] Yes. And I think, you talked about vulnerability. That’s really key too. You have to be willing to open yourself up.

Finding Life Balance in Health and Wellness

Sarah: In the Live Heart-Fully Journal I talk about fad diets and the slippery slope of obsessing over food, nutrition, exercise, even to an extreme level. It can easily become a religion and if a day doesn’t go well, anxiety, shame, and feelings of stress can be overwhelming.

Have you ever experienced this within yourself, or have you seen someone else struggle in this way?

Carolyn: Yes. I think anything to the extreme can be unhealthy. My husband and I try to teach our girls moderation, not only with food, but with everything in life. I have watched people that I care about struggle with weight, and now that I’m in my forties, I see how slippery the slope can be […].

Sarah: Yes. It’s true. We have this idea of looking at food in particular-there’s a spectrum. And you said moderation. Well that would be in the middle of that spectrum. And on one side is an obsession with food to the point where you’re eating too much. And on the other side of the spectrum would be where you’re not eating enough [which is also a major health crisis]. But even with not eating enough, you’re still obsessed with food because you’re still thinking about it. I think of people who are on these extreme diets, and they are still obsessing over food. They’re still thinking about food almost constantly because they’re thinking about what they can and cannot eat and how they should create their next meal to feel and be healthier.

Moderation in our diet is what keeps the scale from tipping one way or the other. And one of the areas we can practice whole life balance is by finding balance in our diets. We want a balanced diet, and we want to educate ourselves too about what’s healthy and what’s not healthy. But we don’t want to be obsessing about it so much to where we’re constantly thinking about it. Or if we decide to eat something or treat ourselves to something that we wouldn’t normally eat, then we’re feeling guilty.

This is a hard topic because it’s controversial. It’s good to be healthy and to eat well, and be knowledgeable about staying healthy and our diet, and exercise. However, what are your thoughts on keeping diet and exercise in moderation with a healthy, balanced perspective?

Carolyn: I think, you know ideally, that would be great. It’s a whole body. It’s a whole life approach. You know we need to eat healthy. We need to find something active that we enjoy doing and approach it as a way of life, not just a short term thing. Having a treat, whether that’s ice cream or cookies or, candy or whatever that treat would be for you, I think that’s totally fine. And we do that. It’s not every single night. It’s not all the time, but we do have sugar in the house. Again, for us it’s about moderation, and knowing-hey if we’ve been having a lot of sugar maybe it’s time to cut back, and to focus on eating more veggies […].

How do you suggest going about diet and exercise in a way that allows a person to maintain balance in every other facet of life?

Sarah: That reminds me of my husband and me. We’re so different in that way. […] I can make cookies and he just doesn’t eat them. He knows that once he starts he won’t be able to stop. But I can just have […] one whole cookie and then go several days without having anymore.

You were talking earlier about your daughter and that you do have sugar in the house. When we first started giving my son solid foods and then for the first two and a half or three years, I was very strict about no sugar. Any snack that has a lot of sugar, like fruit gummies […] ‘It’s all going to be healthy stuff.’ And I was really obsessing about that. But then I realized he’s just a little boy, and there’s a whole world of good foods for him to explore, and I’m not allowing him to do that. So I changed my perspective on that because I remember being a kid and we were allowed to have popsicles once in a while, or ice cream, or cake.

You can’t just deprive somebody of all the amazing, tasty, and sweet foods out there just because you don’t want them to obsess or have an unhealthy relationship with food. [I had this idea that having treats and sugary foods would inevitably lead to an unhealthy relationship with food all together]. Balance is important.

We do have a lot of sweets and we have ice cream in our freezer right now, we’ve got cookies on the countertop […] But in moderation. If he eats his vegetable, then he might get a cookie if he asks for one. I’m not just going to give him a cookie. He needs to show me that he can eat some other good, healthy food first, and then he can have his treat. I think the same thing should be true for us. As long as we’re eating healthy and we’re eating what we know is going to be good for our bodies and for our mental health too, then we should be able to allow ourselves to have a treat occasionally without feeling guilty about it.

Carolyn: Definitely Yeah. Just like you said-eat healthy. He can have a treat. I think that’s exactly how we show our kids to be balanced in our food, and we don’t need to feel guilty. There should be no guilt involved. We’re just treating ourselves, and that’s totally fine.

Finding Life Balance in Security and Comfort

Do you believe money buys happiness?

Carolyn: I do not. Um, but it does certainly make some things easier and less stressful when you know you have enough to cover your basics.

Sarah: Yeah, it does […] My husband always says money doesn’t buy happiness but it sure does buy security and comfort. And it allows you to do things that can bring joy in your life [laughter].

Carolyn: Yeah, yeah [Laughter]!

But before we talk about the good things about money, in your opinion, what are some concerns, stressors, anxieties that inevitably come with wealth?

Carolyn: I think we need to make sure that we don’t let it control us. Yes, we all need money to provide food, shelter, and other basic necessities. But we shouldn’t let it consume our thoughts. You know some may worry over losing their wealth, or trying to keep up appearances, um, but we need to remember that there’s more to wealth than just money.

Sarah: Yes. That’s true. When you say ‘we need to remember that there’s more to wealth than just money,’ what do you mean by that?

Carolyn: Wealth covers more than just our financial situation. It applies to all aspects of our lives. Are we really wealthy if we have no one to share it with? For me, the answer would be no. Even if I had all the money in the world, I’d be miserable if I had no one to share it with.

I believe our relationships play a large part in creating our wealth and happiness. When we have people in our lives that we care about and can depend on, and they feel the same way about us, then we are truly wealthy, regardless of what our bank account says. I could say the same for my health or my outlook on life or my mental well-being or any other aspect of life. Regardless of what our bank accounts say, I feel true wealth comes from our overall well-being or, I guess you could say, finding balance in our lives.

Sarah: I believe that! Money is just one area of our lives that play a role in finding balance in life. So are relationships. So is our health and wellness. And so are our responsibilities. When we put all of these facets of life together in balance with themselves and with each other, I believe it will consequently lead to an overall feeling of wealth.

So if money doesn’t buy happiness, and we don’t want to let it control us, is the obvious answer to live without any intent or motivation to make money, grow one’s wealth through investments, and pursue financial security?

Carolyn: I don’t think so […] Some people have a really strong drive and they feel that by making money, they’re contributing. So they need that to be motivated in their work. I feel those types of people that it’s their motivation and they’re contributing factor that makes them happy. It’s not money. That’s just a by-product of what they’re doing, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

And then for others, money isn’t a motivating factor, and it may even hinder their motivation. My husband is very giving and when he puts a monetary value to something, then it takes away that motivation. So for him, he can’t think of it [giving money or a gift of value] in monetary values. By thinking how he’s helping someone else, that’s how he’s able to go about things. So I think it really depends on the person and their personality type.

Sarah: Okay. I hadn’t actually thought about the idea that some people can be very motivated by contributing to their community or society, in making a lot of money. It’s okay to make a lot of money. That’s not a bad thing, and we should strive for that. It’s more what’s motivating, or what’s driving that. Is the money, like you said, controlling you? Or are you able to do it in a healthy way and feel good about it?

In your opinion, what are some of the concerns, stressors, anxieties that inevitably come with the lack of money and/or lack of financial security?

Carolyn: I think uncertainty and fear are the biggest things that come when you don’t have financial security. You know, you’re constantly wondering ‘How am I going to pay the bills? How am I going to feed the family? How are we going to continue?’

Sarah: Yeah. So it’s interesting to see both sides of the spectrum. You’ve got one where you’re concerned about the money controlling you and it’s consuming your thoughts and maybe keeping you up at night. And the other is fear and anxieties over whether you’ll be able to pay your rent next month and thinking about whether you’re going to be able to provide for your kids. Not knowing where you’re going to be from one day to the next.

Where is the balance between low income and lack of drive to make money and have financial security and having too much money on the opposite side of the spectrum, to where it induces stress and anxiety? How can we find balance somewhere in there?

Carolyn: I think the balance comes from living within your means and realizing the type of person you are. You know some situations can’t be changed. So you just have to do the best you can with them and then try and take the steps to reduce your stress and anxiety.

Finding Life Balance in Relationships

Sarah: Before we were talking about finding peace and compromise in relationships. Now let’s talk about romantic relationships. In The Live Heart-Fully Journal, I talk about obsession, possession, and fanciful, over-idealized day dreams pertaining to romantic relationships. These types of relationships can throw our us off our life balance.

Can you provide some examples of obsession, possession, and fanciful over-idealized relationships?

Carolyn: I think an example of this type of relationship would be thinking that the relationship with the right person is perfect. You know even the best relationships are not perfect. They all take work and you have to be willing to put in that work to make the relationship healthy.

What does obsession, possession, and over-idealizing the relationship do to a romantic relationship do to the relationship over time?

Carolyn: It’s an unhealthy view for the relationship and I think it, ultimately it dooms it. You know it’s going to eventually end because it’s not going to meet whatever ideal you have in your head. There’s just, there’s no way. So the only thing that can happen is it ends.

What are three words/phrases you would use for a healthy and balanced relationship to replace my previous words/phrases: obsession, possession, fanciful over-idealized?

Carolyn: Reciprocal. Caring. And forgiving.

Sarah: Ooh good! Can you expand on those a little bit?

How can we find a healthy balance in our romantic relationships where both people are happy and believe they are loved?

Carolyn: […] You need to accept the other person for who they are, the good and the bad. You really just need to accept all of them. That means not trying to change them to meet your view of who you think they should be, but allowing them to be who they actually are.

Sarah: Yeah that’s good. I […] think that the idea of trying to change somebody kind of goes into the category of possession. You’re trying to take possession of someone and make them somebody who you want them to be. So that would then go into the unbalanced and unhealthy category of relationships. And we all do that [laughter]. I am still guilty of doing that! You’ve been married sixteen years. I’ve been married for seven years. So you have more experience about this than I but yeah, even after seven years I still think sometimes that if I could just get him to change in this way [laughter].

Carolyn: Yeah, yeah [laughter], and even after sixteen years we’re still working on our communication. It can always get better. You can always communicate better with one another. It’s constant. You just have to be willing to put in the work.

Finding Life Balance in Our Responsibilities

How hard is it for you to say ‘No’ to commitments when asked?

Carolyn: Very! This is something that I’ve been working on, and it is getting easier for me to say no. But my first impulse is still to say yes. I’ve had to learn to take a moment before I respond and to really think about what they’re asking and if I’m not sure that it’s something I want to do, to say ‘hey, can I get back to you?’ That’s been huge for me. Just take a moment, or get back to them. That’s helped me to be able to say no when that’s really the best thing for me to do.

Sarah: Yeah. I like the idea of taking the moment and getting back to them and not giving them an answer right away. A lot of times it’s hard to say no when they’re right there in front of you, in person. It’s sometimes easier to say no moments or hours later when they’re not necessarily right there. Cause there’s pressure when they’re right there to ‘oh I’ve got to do this’ and ‘oh I’ve got to say yes.’ So not only do you give yourself time to think about it, but you also taking some of that pressure away. You’re relieving some of that pressure just by the fact that they’re not standing right there in front of you.

Do you say ‘Yes’ even when you don’t want to?

Carolyn: Yeah, I mean, occasionally I still do. I feel obligated that I really should do this. But again, I’ve been working really hard on making it a conscience decision that you know, if I do say yes, well this is why.

How does over-committing ourselves throw off our balance (relationally, mentally, and emotionally)?

Carolyn: I think by overcommitting ourselves it takes time and energy away from the relationships and the things that are most important to us. Mentally I think it can be very draining because we know we’re not spending the time where it matters most and we’re left consistently feeling like we’re behind. We all have the same amount of time each day, and we spend it doing what we feel we should be doing or on the things that we don’t really want to be doing. It can leave us feeling guilty because we’re neglecting the things that do matter the most to us.

Sarah: That’s really good. And just a reminder, we all have the same amount of time each day. It’s not like we get more time if we have more commitments. We all have the same amount of time. It’s 24-hours. That is the one thing we know for sure that is not going to change [laughter]. When we over commit ourselves, something or someone is inevitably going to be neglected, which ties into the next question.

When we over-commit ourselves, there is always someone or something that is consequently being neglected. Generally speaking, who or what is that someone or something?

Carolyn: It’s usually the people and the things we care about this most.

Sarah: Yeah.

Carolyn: Sometimes it can even be yourself. Like if you’re constantly doing things for other people you’re not taking care of yourself and you’re going to burn yourself out.

Sarah: Yep! That’s so true! […] I was thinking about my husband and my son. I had not even thought about myself and that’s such a good point. We need to make sure we’re taking time to take care of ourselves and prioritizing that too. Just like what you talked about at the beginning with the whole self-care [a conversation we had prior to the official start to this interview]. Going for a walk, seeing friends and whatever our hobbies are, for you-crafting.

How can we find life balance between our family, friends, primary responsibilities (such as our jobs), and our extra commitments?

Carolyn: I think it begins when you realize that we can’t make more time. We all have the 24-hours in a day. That’s it.. So we need to be purposeful on how we spend it. Sometimes things come up like a work deadline or a project and so we need to spend more time there. But when it’s done than we need to get back to the things that are important to us. I try to consistently choose to make time for the things that are important for me. If something is taking up more of my time than when that’s done I get back to the things that I would normally spend my time on. It’s really just about finding out and figuring out what’s important to you, and then spending your time there.

When my oldest was really little […] we were talking about food and I was worried that she wasn’t eating enough vegetables […] And the pediatrician told me that I shouldn’t worry if she’s not eating everything I made for one meal. I should look at it over a longer period of time. So if one night she only ate noodles but then another night she focused on broccoli, and then another night she had lots of meat, over that week she was getting everything she needed for the balanced diet. And that really stuck with me.

I try to apply that same concept to my life. It’s not about what we can fit into one day, but what are we fitting into our week or even our month. If we’re finding time for the things that are important to us and you know the things that need our attention, then we’re doing okay.

Sarah: And some seasons, like with the whole week or even a month it’s just going to be really busy, with one particular thing, and you might have to put a couple of other things on hold during that time. But as long as you have it in mind that it’s only for two weeks or it’s only for this month it can keep you motivated. It can also, if you’re communicating that to your family members, it can also help them to understand this is just the way it is cause it’s that busy season.

Are there any other stories and insights you can share about the topic of finding and practicing balance in our lives that can help and inspire us?

Carolyn: I think to find a healthy and sustainable life balance, you really need to know what matters to you so you know where you want to focus your time. I also think self-care’s extremely important. You need to spend time recharging yourself so that you have the energy to focus on the things that matter to you.

I kind of relate this to when you’re on an airplane and they say ‘put on your oxygen mask before you help someone with theirs.’ You can’t help someone if you’re passed out. If you want to be able to help someone you need to put on your own oxygen mask first. You need to take care of yourself first. You need to make sure that you’re in the best health that you can be (physically, mentally, and emotionally) so that you can be there for someone else.

Life balance doesn’t happen on its own. You need to choose to create it. We also need to be flexible and we have to focus on self-care, and focusing on self-care is not being selfish. It just means you focus on yourself so you can care for others and the things that are important to you. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. To have life balance, we need to be able to adjust to the circumstances.

Sarah: I love that analogy with the airplane and the oxygen mask. We really do need to be able to do that for ourselves first before we help our children. And that applies to our lives as well with self-care and making sure that we’re healthy […].

I feel like it’s not just so that we can physically take care of our family and friends and be who we need to be for our family members and our friends. But also when I think about my kid, my child-he’s watching me and making observations. And so what he sees in regards to my mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health is what he is learning. So if we’re not taking care of ourselves, we’re not going to be able to take care of them, but in addition to that, they’re going to be learning that they don’t need to be taking care of themselves either.

Carolyn: Yep. Yeah, we’re doing them a disservice. They learn what they see. They learn from what we do. If we want them to be healthy and balanced then we really need to embody that and we need to show them by doing it for ourselves.

What a wonderful conversation this was, full of rich nuggets for all of us to digest. Let’s begin transforming our lives and making balance in every facet of our lives a priority. To help, I summed up the key highlights below.

Highlights to Help you Find Balance in Every Facet of Life

• For the unbalanced relationships: (1) Decide what the relationship means to you. Can you let the relationship go for good? Or is it worth having some tough talks to resolve things and find a healthy balance? (2) Throw pride out the window! A balanced relationship is one that allows for vulnerability and growth.
• Balance in your health and wellness: (1) Remember, everything in moderation without the guilt. (2) Know your personality-Can you graze the goodies or will you consume the whole bag at once?
• Balance in your security and comfort: (1) If money doesn’t buy happiness, then let what makes you happy be what drives you.
• When your romantic relationships are unbalanced: (1) Reciprocate-put in the time and the energy. (2) Care-seek what is best for the other. (3) Forgive-we are all human, so forgive the offense, reconcile, and move on. (4) Accept your partner for who they are, all of them-the good and the bad.
• Balance in your commitments: (1) Don’t say yes right away. Take a moment, or get back to them later. (2) We have 24 hours in a day. Determine your priorities and be purposeful with how you spend your time.
• Practice self-care and find balance: Focus on your self so you can care for others.

Take Action to Find Balance

1. What are some of the areas within your own life that you believe are unbalanced? Read the Take Away Highlights section above pertaining to that area and do something this week that brings more balance.

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The Live Heart-Fully Conversations are published on the first Monday of each month for the year 2021.

What’s So Important About Getting Your Life In Balance?