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Discover This New, Inspiring Way Of Defining Success!
He works at a great job, has good relationships with his co-workers, and has gotten a few promotions over the years. He makes more than enough money to live a good, perhaps even fancy, life. Success! Right? Maybe. I don’t want to necessarily reduce the value of working hard to make a good living and enjoy a comfortable life. , However, I do want to discuss the many other facets of success, and make an attempt at defining success in a less traditional, but very relevant way.
So for this Live Heart-Fully Conversation, I have invited a love and relationships expert, communicator, and content creator, Sujeiry Gonzalez to share about her own personal success story. Sujeiry’s story is one that includes some huge successes in the traditional ways we think of success. What I find inspiring though is that she is defining success in a way that is far from what we typically think of as success. This Live Heart-Fully Conversation is not one you want to miss as Sujeiry Gonzalez redefines everything we know about success and challenges us to do some real hard soul searching. Check it out below!
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Welcome Sujeiry Gonzalez
Sujeiry Gonzalez is a Self-love Advocate, podcaster and former SiriusXM host, writer and author. She has a blog, Love Sujeiry, where she provides self-love tips and tools for women from her personal experience. Her podcast, Self-Love Served Raw, is an extension of her blog as well as her social media accounts. On the podcast Sujeiry provides inspiring shows where she delves into self-love, personal development, and transformation. She interviews experts and also shares her own advice and experiences. You can find her the podcast, Self-Love Served Raw on Spotify, iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, and Amazon. Ultimately, Sujeiry hopes to inspire as many women to love themselves and continuously evolve, grow, and live on their terms. She is also currently writing a romance novel which she hopes to publish, and she is will continue creating content that she is passionate about.
The Conversation: Defining Success
In your opinion, what are some of the things (or ways) that define our success? By our I am referring to individuals generally living in an industrialized culture (such as in the United States).
Sujeiry: What often defines our success is money, owning a home, and seeming like we are successful. It’s mostly about the external and material versus feeling happy, fulfilled, and passionate about our lives, including our careers and relationships.
Sarah: I love that you said it is mostly the external and material things in life that we use to measure our success. However right or wrong that is, it does seem to be true! And those things are often at the expense of our happiness. We tend to sacrifice our passions and dreams.
What are some other ways we can look at success?
Sujeriy: I believe that we should look at success in an individualist way. Ask yourself: what do I really want? What fulfills me? What brings me joy? And does that align with the life I am currently living? If it doesn’t, it’s time to take inventory and eliminate what is draining you from being successful on your terms. I also suggest working on yourself through self-love. You can have the life that you want but if you don’t love yourself or believe that you deserve it, it will feel like an empty victory. Love yourself first to get clear on what success means to you and then you can relish in it when you become successful.
Sarah: Yes! That is such a beautiful idea! In order to really know what success will look like for ourselves, we need to be taking care of ourselves.
The Small Scale and the Large Scale Successes
In the Live Heart-Fully Journal, I talk about success on both a small and large scale. Of course they are all important and worth acknowledging. Can you provide some examples of what a small scale success might look like?
Sujeiry: Small-scale success looks like accomplishing a short-term goal that leads to that large-scale success. For example, I just celebrated my new credit score of 825! I know that this credit score will lead to buying approval for a home. It’s the same with personal development and self-love. By taking the step to set boundaries as an act of self-love, I am changing the dynamic of relationships. And the large-scale success is the relationship shifting into something healthier for long term.
Sarah: Wow! First of all, super congrats on that credit score! That is a huge accomplishment! Second of all, I just love both of these examples. The credit score will help in your buying options, and I know you are looking to buy a home as a goal for this next year, so that is wonderful. Also, the relationships-we cannot care for others and expect to have healthy relationships if we are not taking care of ourselves. So I totally agree on that. Thank you for these examples in our attempt at defining success in the small scale and how it directly leads to the large scale successes in our lives.
Intrinsic Success
In the Live Heart-Fully Journal, I also more personally talk about my struggle with friendships, my goals in cultivating friendships, and how I am defining success related to my friendships. In that example, success is more continual, and often more intrinsic rather than a direct, tangible, memorable moment. Can you share a similar example of the success you have had, or are still aspiring towards?
Sujeiry: I’ve had many tangible successes. I wanted to be the Latina Carrie Bradshaw and write about my relationships and dating in NYC for Latina Magazine and other platforms that speak to that audience, and I did just that. I also wanted to be a radio show host and had my own relationship show on SiriusXM. But, after a while, these successes felt empty because I didn’t love myself enough to relish in meeting my goals. I felt like I needed to constantly prove that I was good enough, and that led to chasing thing after thing.
Today, I am still working on loving myself and knowing my true value and standing up for myself because I know my worth. I aspire to be someone that loves every inch of herself, even the not-so-great sides…the shadow side. Yes, I can be selfish and overly talkative and not the best listener, but I don’t want to beat myself up anymore because of it. I am aspiring to show myself grace and love myself through my evolution. And to accept that I am [not] and will never be perfect. I’m getting closer to feeling successful in that way. If I look back at where I’ve been regarding self-love, I am in a better place.
In a minute, we are going to get into some more personal questions. But first, give us a background of some of your own successes, both small and large, professional, relational, and personal?
Sujeiry: I wanted to be the Latina Carrie Bradshaw and write about my relationships and dating in NYC for Latina Magazine and other platforms that speak to that audience, and I did just that. I also wanted to be a radio show host and had my own relationship show on SiriusXM. I wanted to be a mom, live in Los Angeles, and be an entrepreneur that had the freedom to do things on her terms. And today I have a beautiful toddler boy, I lived in Los Angeles for a year, and I worked for myself as a content creator, writer, radio show host, and influencer for 10 years.
I’ve also been successful in becoming very self-aware and I am constantly learning about myself. I’m kind of obsessed with personal development!
Maybe the most surprising success is my current relationship with my sister. We are night and day, and in the past, we were like oil and vinegar. Now that I love myself more and, in turn, speak up for myself and my needs in our sister bond, we have an amazing relationship with clear boundaries and mutual respect.
Sarah: I just love hearing that about you and your sister! It is so important to set clear boundaries and speak our needs to others. Sometimes, it can feel awkward because we live in a world where hinting and passive aggressive communication is far more common. This is all a different topic for a different day, but I just want to say that I love that!
I also love that you are including some of your personal growth successes and milestones in your list of successes. You are a highly successful woman. And I know when you want something, you go after it and get it. So you have had a lot of big career successes, and they are so awesome. But that you are sharing more about your personal growth and how you are defining your success in your personal relationships and experiences. Most people would never care to make note of those things.
When it’s all Said and Done…
When thinking about the end of your life, as you are spending those last days, maybe months looking back at the life you have lived, the choices you made, your family, friends, jobs, experiences, and everything else, what do you want to be the single most important contributing factor of your life that, when you look back on, you can say, without a doubt, “I lived a successful life because of that?”
Sujeiry: I want to look back at life and think, “I was interested in this or that. And I dipped my toe in. Sure, it didn’t last forever, but I tried everything that sparked my curiosity and spoke to me. Even if I looked crazy or irresponsible or unsure or overly idealistic.” What I want to remember is the experiences that I created and experienced professionally, with loved ones, and as a mom, woman, and entrepreneur. I want to sit in my rocking chair and reminisce about how much fun I had and how much fun I will continue to have by any means necessary.
Sarah: That is some life spirit you have! Seriously, I love that you have the attitude that you don’t even care whether something works out, or whether you are successful in a particular thing or not. What is important is that if you see something you want to try, you always make sure to give it a try. So, at the end of your life, there will be nothing that you wanted to try and didn’t do it. That is awesome.
Now, it’s not exactly fair to pinpoint a single contributing factor because, as we have already discussed, there are many facets of success, and for most of us, it is the cumulative efforts of all of them that contribute to our whole life success.
Self Imposed Hurdles and Hang Ups
A lot of people debilitate themselves, making it easier to fail and harder to achieve success, often without ever realizing it. Sometimes it is the self-talk and self-fulfilling prophecies that work against us and lead to failure. Other times it is the goals we set that don’t match up with the overall picture of success we have. Many times it’s just our lifestyle and habits that interfere. Has this happened to you? Can you share some examples?
Sujeiry: Yes, this has happened to me. I have struggled with creating habits that support my dreams. I’m a sleepy head, so it’s tough for me to wake up at 5am before my son and get to work. I have also made impulsive decisions due to fear of failing. Instead of sticking to my dreams and what I’ve intended, in the past, I would switch from idea to idea and launch product after product, not sticking to it long enough to see it evolve and grow and succeed.
That fear of failure didn’t allow me to nurture projects and, in turn, I was a chicken with my head cut off, burning myself out because I was spreading myself too thin. I’m so aware of this coping mechanism and am now focusing on one thing: helping women love themselves so they show up as they are and make decisions that align with who they are. I am doing this by sharing content and free affirmations. Soon, I will have an email challenge for women so they can work on self-love every day.
Sarah: So good you are aware of your own personal struggles. And I cannot wait to see those affirmations and the email challenge.
Thinking back to the previous questions about looking back on our lives when we are nearing the end, are your current life goals and strategies in alignment with your idea(s) of success?
Sujeiry: They do. After spinning my wheels in 2020, following every trend and chasing money and “freedom,” I recalibrated. Because the work that I was chasing didn’t speak to me and my passions. Today, I am making decisions and setting goals that align with who I am, how I want to work, what I love to do (create, write, podcast, inspire), and the lifestyle that I want to have today and in the future. I know the women that I want to serve and how I want to serve them. And I know the work that I want to do and how I want to do it. Also, I know the schedule that I want and the life that I want to live. I also know the people that I want to share this journey with.
Sarah: It sounds like you have been on a journey to discover how exactly you can align your passions and goals with your idea of success and how you are defining success. You have finally come to place where everything is clear to you, and you know exactly where to go and what needs to happen to get there. I love that.
Some Thoughts About Failure
We cannot talk about success without talking about failure. How are success and failure intertwined and connected?
Sujeiry: For me, failure is a trigger! I fear failure because it triggers my feelings of unworthiness. But without failing, I wouldn’t have learned the lessons that I put into practice today in order to achieve success. Failure inspires me to act. Because I am scared of it, I work harder, I put in longer hours, I pick myself back up. It’s a driving force as much as it is a scary monster!
Share a story of a significant failure you have had in your adult life. How did you feel? How did you handle it?
Sujeiry: One significant failure was my decision to return to teaching in 2019. I was recently single, had moved into a new place that was more expensive due to the market and town. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to afford it and be a single mom with my current salary. And although I loved where I worked and my duties, I felt that I had to level up and make more money, even if that meant returning to teaching. I hated teaching back then, I knew it wasn’t for me. I love working with kids, but not in a classroom setting or lesson planning.
So, what was I doing going back in the classroom? Why did I apply, interview, and accept a teaching job? Fear. And when I started at the new school and stood in front of those kids. When I spent hours lesson planning the first week, I felt overwhelmed, distraught, and like a failure. I didn’t listen to my inner voice.
I knew this wasn’t my path, that this chapter was over. Yet I responded to the book and stepped right into a plotline that was not in my highest good. So, how did I handle it? I decided that my happiness and fulfillment mattered more than appearances. I quit that teaching job and have not looked back. Well, almost.
The fear crept up again in 2020 when I lost my full-time job due to Covid and budget cuts, and I almost reverted to that fear-based thinking. Thanks to learning more about my triggers and loving myself, I stopped myself from making the same mistake. I canceled an education course and stopped substituting. And I gave myself grace through this experience.
Sarah: Good for you Sujeiry! You are so courageous that you made those choices to quit and not look back. I personally love teaching, and even though I am no longer in the classroom, I am still using that knowledge and those skills, just in a different way. But I also stepped out of the classroom a few years ago. I just didn’t like the person I was when I was teaching. I was grumpy, mean, and just not enjoying life much.
Final Thoughts On Defining Success
Can you provide some original tips, tricks, and strategies for dealing with failure?
Sujeiry: I would say, show yourself some grace. Remember that failures are learning experiences and mistakes are stepping stones. If you’re afraid to fail, ask yourself: why does the thought of failure trigger me? Write your thoughts down in a journal or speak to a friend that you trust.
I also suggest affirmations. I have free affirmations on my website that can help you love yourself more. Dealing with failure gets easier when we love ourselves and feel worthy. When we don’t, that’s when we beat ourselves up emotionally and allow failure to define us and paralyze us.
Sarah: That is so true! When we love, and also when we believe in ourselves, failure becomes more of a push-a push forward. So, instead of setting us back, it actually propels us forward.
What are the best 1-3 gold nuggets you can give us to take away from this conversation about defining success and achieving it in things both large and small?
Sujeiry: Success is an individual experience. It is essential to define what success means to you, what it looks like, and what it feels like. You can follow trends and try to emulate the success of others, but in the end, if it doesn’t align with who you are and the life that you want to lead, it’s not going to fulfill you. Also, success is not linear. I speak about this on my latest podcast. It is okay to find success in one aspect of your life or in one phase of life. It is also ok for that phase and season to end. Remember: just because something doesn’t last forever doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Sarah: Yes! That is so true! I love that, and absolutely agree! People change, we all change. And along with that change, our goals, dreams, aspirations will inevitably evolve and change too. It doesn’t mean that you have failed. It just means that your course is moving in a different direction.
Sujeiry: So, take stock. Ask yourself: what fulfills me? what makes me happy? what do I really want? And make decisions from there.
Sarah: Thank you so much for this time and for the conversation today Sujeiry. Everything you said is so good and I love your outlook on life and how you are defining and redefining success.
Highlight: Defining Success and Discovering New Inspiration
- Defining success should be on your own terms and may require some soul searching.
- Aligning your passions with your idea of success will help you create a picture of what success should look and feel like for your own life.
- Setting small-scale goals that align with your large-scale picture of success creates a direct path to success and makes success more attainable.
- Failure and risk-taking are both prerequisites for success.
- Success is not linear or static. No matter what pressures are placed upon us by culture and society, success is not linear or static. There is no timeline, and our own personal success stories should always be evolving and changing.
Take Action: Defining Success and Achieving Results
- Do some soul searching this week, and redefine what success is on your own terms.
- Consider your passions and interests. How might your picture of success incorporate them?
- Based on your response to the first Take Action step, write down a current large-scale picture of success. Now write down some small-scale goals that align with your large-scale picture of success. Develop a plan to start moving forward on those goals.
- In what ways might you be debilitating yourself from achieving success?
- Self talk?
- Self fulfilling prophecies?
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