How to Become Identity Strong in Motherhood?

Discover yourself as a mother – Become Identity Strong

If you are a mother, or if you have a mother, this blog is about rediscovering yourself after motherhood.

First things first!  This is not a blog about whether to stay at home or go back to work after having a baby. I believe every mother has to do what is best for her and for her family.

Second, I believe that what is best for one mother may not be what is best for the next mother. 

Finally, I have a growing amount of respect for both stay at home mothers and working mothers. In fact, I have wonderful friends on both sides. 

The examples I am using are not to battle it out between being on one side of the camp or the other.  Rather, this blog is to challenge mothers on both sides regarding motherhood, the loss of self, and becoming Identity Strong in motherhood. This is about the struggle for individual identity after becoming mothers. My goal for my readers it that you as a mother will drop all of your efforts of rediscovering yourself after motherhood, and instead, I want that you begin the process of discovering your new self after motherhood.

I will begin by telling you a story.

A Little Story About a Mother

I was single, in my mid-twenties and working for a booming startup company in Silicon Valley.  I was on the edge of making what would at that time be the most money I had ever made.  The Director of Marketing came in to give us a talk about success. To this day, the ONLY thing I remember her saying was a comment she made after talking about her two nearly grown daughters. “I am first my daughters’ mother.  While marketing has been my lifelong career, I am and have always been a mother first.”

Wow! Without having been a mother myself yet, I thought, this is a woman who knows her passion and her priorities. This is a mother who, through her own motherhood has become identity strong! She has overcome that feeling of ‘loss of self’, and has discovered her new self after having become a mother. She knows who she is in motherhood and she is proud of it.

Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood-

The Dilemma of Working Moms

Again, this is not at all about whether one choice is better or worse than another. I am simply sharing some thoughts about both, and then will make my point and challenge mothers on both sides. Read on for my thoughts about the dilemma of stay at home mothers.

Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood-

The Dilemma of Stay at Home Moms

Before I became a mother, I didn’t think much about how complex, intricate, difficult and plain exhausting being a mother is. If I am honest, I remember the few times I did consider a mother’s work, particularly those who were stay at home mother’s (SAHM). I thought it was a good, relaxing life to lead. Growing up, I knew plenty of SAHMs who seemingly spent their days in coffee shops reading good books. They chatted on the phone for hours with girlfriends. I thought they made frequent trips to Nordstrom for some good shopping.

Once I became a mother, however, I began to realize that my life was not about reading, chatting, and shopping all day long. I realized my whole life would forever be about nurturing, teaching, and caring for my child’s every need. And this would be from newborn to adulthood, and beyond. This is also true for working mothers.

As a SAHM, I have been in many conversations with many other SAHMs who feel the same way regarding their loss of self. I have been in conversations in which many SAHMs feel a great need to separate themselves from being a ‘mother’. They believe it is a MUST if they want a chance at rediscovering their own selves after motherhood.

Motherhood is Hard

I get it though!  Motherhood is hard.  Regardless of where you are in your motherhood, and regardless of the choices you have made, motherhood consumes your every breath and takes up your every moment. You hardly have time to brush and floss your own teeth and put on some decent clothes.  When you finally do get a free moment to breathe and let your hair down, husband comes walking in. And you know he has his own set needs too. You’re not just a mother, you’re a wife, you’re a co-worker, a boss, a friend, and more. Forget ever having time for yourself.

But…

---

More Blogs by Wholeheartedly Sarah

---

The Hard Truth About Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood.

“Rediscovering Yourself” after motherhood, (the question, “who am I,” “what are my passions,” and “what am I here to do”), our identity, ALWAYS involves the circumstances surrounding our lives at any given time. And it nearly ALWAYS involves our direct relationship to others.  This is especially true for women.

The hard truth, therefore, is that there is no loss of self because of motherhood. Let me explain. Our identity is fluid. It is designed that way so that we can continue to grow and develop as we transition into new seasons of life. 

Prior to becoming a wife and mother, I was a medical health recruiter. And prior to that, a teacher.  Both of those jobs made up a portion of who I was and am still today. They shaped my perspective. They were the ways in which I contributed to society and culture at the time. The same is true as I became a wife.  And the same is true as I became a mother.  Whether we are working mothers or SAHMs, being a mother is part of, and in fact a very large part of who we are.

What I am trying to say by all of this is that the journey of rediscovering yourself after motherhood will always and inevitably involve who you are as a mother. This is true because you are, in fact, a mother and you can never change that. It doesn’t mean you are ONLY a mother though. However, the title, mother, will always be imprinted on your identity.

So, what can we do then about rediscovering ourselves after becoming mothers?

Wear Motherhood Proud

I want to wear that badge of identity with pride. I don’t want to feel like I’ve lost my identity or sense of self because I am now a mother. In fact, since I became a mother, I have gained a new strength. Since I became a mother, I have discovered different, wonderful things about who I am. I also have new, different ways in which I can contribute to society and culture. I have uncovered new talents, new capabilities, and grown to discover my identity in a new and beautiful way through motherhood.

So mothers, whether you are at home, at work, a hybrid of both, whether you are exhausted, exhilarated somewhere in between, and whether your kids are newly born, teenagers, or adults, embrace your identity as a mother. Mothers, as difficult and messy as it is, let’s not believe for a minute that motherhood has caused a ‘loss of self’ or ‘loss of identity’. Instead, let’s rise up and rather than rediscovering ourselves, let’s discover our new selves! Let’s become Identity Strong through motherhood. We are made better through motherhood. Embrace it for all the wonderful things it is.  There is no higher calling than to be a mom!

Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood: How to Become Identity Strong in Motherhood?