Why You Need know the Truth About Paying an Allowance

Discover the long term consequences of paying children an allowance for chores.

As children, my brothers and I grew up doing chores. However, we weren’t paid a consistent allowance for the work we put into them. Of course we complained about them many times over. But we knew that if we lived in that house and contributed to the messes, (and we definitely did), then we also needed to contribute our fair share of help. This was true even if our parents weren’t paying us an allowance for the chores we did.

Wait a minute, Sarah! So, you mean you’re parents didn’t always pay you an allowance!? What kind of parents are they!?

Yes, that’s right! And for the record, my parents, although not always perfect, did a pretty good job when it came to teaching my brothers and me how to be relatively successful adults. Therefore, while I may be biased, I do think they were pretty good parents.

Now let’s get back to the point of paying children an allowance. There are a few things I want to share regarding this topic.

First Things First: Drop the Dirty Word

First, let’s talk about the dirty word-the word, chore(s) is such a drag! That is why in our family, we made a conscious choice to drop the word from our vocabulary. It just has a negative connotation. Often times, when the word is heard by a child, she immediately shuts down. She determines NOT to comply. That is unless she is extrinsically motivated (meaning she is rewarded by something tangible, such as an allowance). Also, only children do chores. Let’s think about that from a child’s perspective. It is so terribly unfair that kids have to do chores and adults don’t.

Well if you don’t use the word chores, what do you use?

Instead, we have chosen to adopt the phrase, Household Responsibilities. This is a phrase that not only encourages responsibility, but rewards children intrinsically. By using the phrase, Household Responsibilities, the child gains a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction, belonging to the family, and significance. She also feels valued because she knows she is contributing as part of the family, and contributing to the family responsibilities is, by itself, a huge variable in a child’s motivation to help out more. Check it out…

Let’s Talk about how an Allowance for Chores Effects Motivation

I agree, there are a lot of times throughout the toddler and preschool years when extrinsic motivation might be worthwhile. Rewarding a child with a small treat after they eat their broccoli, for example. It might be helpful to offer small treats or toys when they are learning to go potty. We also gave our son some extrinsic motivators to help him drop his thumb sucking habit. However, contributing to the family by helping manage and maintain a comfortable home is one of the occasions where INtrinsic motivation is crucial. In fact, EXtrinsic motivation will possibly cause more harm than it’s worth (pun intended). Let me take a minute to explain why.

When thinking about our household responsibilities as adults, we rarely, if ever, consider them in the same category as our jobs. Our jobs are where and how we earn money. On the other hand, we do not get a paycheck for cooking, sweeping, taking out the trash, and making our beds.

All that being said, we as parents still need to teach money matters to our children, and instill good spending and saving habits. I am very aware of the importance of a child learning the value of money, even at a young age. However, if children are not getting paid an allowance for their contributions around the house, then how can we as parents teach money matters to them? So I do have some thoughts about this below.

How Children Learn Money Matters without an Allowance for Chores

With all this in mind, how does a child learn how to handle money responsibly? I believe that learning about money is a very important part of a child’s upbringing. I also believe there are many other ways to teach money matters to children aside from paying an allowance for household responsibilities.

Children need to know that good decisions and choices pay off, and bad ones don’t. This is a principal that is true in the real world too. Children also need to learn about savings. They need to learn about delayed gratification, (especially in a world where often what we consume is at our doorstep within hours). I am confident that these principals can be fully realized without having to pay an allowance. The emphasis on rewarding behavior extrinsically needs to shift, however, from paying an allowance for daily responsibilities to personal responsibility and accountability. We as parents, let’s find other ways to provide opportunities for our children to take personal responsibility and be accountable for their choices and actions aside from paying them an allowance for the common chores they do.

Check out my ideas on what we as parents can do to facilitate that shift in emphasis below.

Money Matters and Extra Household Duties

One way we can teach personal responsibility and accountability is to provide an extended list of extra household duties your children can choose to accomplish at their own will. First, create a list of extra household and age appropriate duties. Then, put the dollar amount paid out for each separate duty. (Some duties may be worth more than others). Now your children can decide for themselves exactly how much money they want to make.

Bear in mind these extra household duties are above and beyond the household responsibilities that are regularly expected. They are often the larger tasks that are not done as often. For example, they can be things that are seasonal, or are only done once or twice a year. Additional examples may be special fix-it or repair-it projects, or helping to build something for the house, painting, etc. The idea is that if your child wants to earn extra money that week, she can choose a household duty and get it done. If she doesn’t do it, she doesn’t earn the money. This puts the responsibility in her own hands, making it her own choice.

Below I have listed a few examples.

Extra Household Duties

1. Washing the car inside and out
2. Cleaning the baseboards and light switches throughout the house
3. Washing the window blinds and window sills
4. Dusting the ceiling fans
5. Dusting cobwebs throughout the whole house
6. Taking on a painting project if needed, etc
7. Clean and organize kitchen cabinets, including wiping all shelves and reapplying any contact paper as needed
8. Clean and Wipe off all doors in the house
9. Wipe, dust, or wash any and all household knick-knacks and decorations
10. Pull out washer and dryer to sweep and mop floor under and behind them
11. Pull out refrigerator and oven to sweep and mop floor under and behind them
12. Repurpose an old shelf
13. Build something new (such as shelving or other furniture) for the house
14. Raking leaves
15. Removing, washing, ironing all curtains and other washable window coverings, and putting them back on the windows

Why You Need know the Truth About Paying an Allowance