Need Amazing Grace? It is Undeserved, yet Freely Given

Grace is Always an Undeserved Yet Free Gift! A Live Heart-Fully Conversation

There is a book, aside from the Bible, that I love-The Ragamuffin Gospel, by Brennan Manning! I can read it over and over again and each time, I am changed. The Ragamuffin Gospel is packed full of stories and anecdotes about the unending power of God’s grace. The author shares his own story about his battle with alcoholism AFTER he had already been a Christian for several years. What I love about The Ragamuffin Gospel is that it drives home the point so often forgotten by Christians and non-Christians. Grace is undeserved, yet freely given.

Now, I understand you may not be a Christian. However, this idea of undeserved favor is a concept that can apply to anyone. This month, I invited Kate Tekurio to share with us about grace, undeserved, yet freely given. I also invite you to read along and add any thoughts you may have about the God’s amazing grace in the comments below.

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About the Live Heart-Fully Conversations

Welcome to the Live Heart-Fully Conversations! The Live Heart-Fully Conversations are a series of interviews and conversations created to inspire, provoke, and challenge you to go deeper in feeding your own soul and pursuing stronger, authentic relationships with others. Over the next year, I am talking with some amazing powerhouse people who have had some true challenges, lived through them, and are now sharing their own personal power stories.

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Welcome Kate

Kate has a Bachelor’s degree in psychology. One big dream she has is to eventually return to school, acquire her therapist license, and open her own clinic to help mothers and families.

The Conversation: Grace: Undeserved, Yet Freely Given

What does Grace mean to you?

Kate: To me, grace is unconditional love. It is something that you probably don’t “deserve,” at least not all the time, but it is always just freely given.

Sarah: I agree that grace is something we don’t deserve.

Sarah: In Brennan Manning’s book titled, The Ragamuffin Gospel, Manning shares about a major struggle with alcoholism AFTER having been a Christian for some years. This struggle is the backdrop of his book, which is all about God’s grace.

God’s Grace Covering our Hardened Hearts

Have you ever struggled with areas of sin in your life AFTER having become a Christian?

Kate: Yes absolutely. Even though I grew up Christian, there were still moments in my life when I sinned. I still sin to this day. It is something I think we will have to work hard every single day to overcome for the rest of our lives and we will still come up short, which is why God gives us grace. Part of His grace comes from His atonement. When Christ was on the earth, he suffered for every pain and sin of every single person to ever live. He experienced all of this so we could change, repent, and use His grace to better our lives. I rely daily on that atonement to repent and change. While there hasn’t been grievous or extreme sins, if I don’t take the little ones seriously, eventually it could add up to a bigger sin.

Sarah: It’s true that we often have things in our lives that are not right. Sometimes, they are small, and because they are small, we don’t always see how they can affect us. However, they do affect us, and others around us who we love.

Also, I just want to say that when we allow things in our lives that we know are not going to be good, it becomes a slippery slope. An example of this might be watching a particular show that has unfiltered content such as language or explicit nudity and/or violent scenes. We all have different levels of capacity, emotionally and mentally to watch such things. In other words, certain things might have a greater effect on me than on my husband.

I say all this because the reason this type of content affects us differently is that some people have become so used to that type of content that it is just embedded into their lives. They have allowed it to become the norm.

Every person who believes they can watch difficult, explicit scenes from a movie, or read them in a book without being affected emotionally or mentally had a first-time experience with such content! Yeah, there was a first time for them too. I’m willing to bet that anyone would be shocked to the core the first time watching a scene in which a woman is raped. It probably was very difficult for them to watch something like that. The first time watching a sexually explicit scene in a movie probably induced feelings of shame and embarrassment. However, the second time, it wasn’t so bad. The third time, there may have only been a little shock. The fourth time, there was very little pain in watching such a scene. The fifth time, nothing. No emotion!

Before they even realize what is happening, they are able to watch much more grievous, intense, explicit content. They can watch multiple scenes in a day and not be affected. And now the content they can handle becomes more intense. And while it should shock the core of their being, it does not.

My point here is that the more darkness people allow into their lives, the less effected they will be because it just becomes a normal part of lives. Soon, what once seemed like a very grievous thing becomes trivial, and people than begin to be comfortable with a greater level of darkness.

I say all this to your point that if we don’t take the small areas seriously and continuously seek holiness, the struggles we have with sin will build upon one another. As you said, they add up to a bigger sin.

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God’s Grace in the Midst of Our Sin Struggles

Kate: To me, the biggest area would be with motherhood. I try my hardest to be a good mom. But there are days when I yell and get upset at my sweet children. As soon as they go to bed, those “sins” from the entire day often overwhelm me.

Sarah: So then what do you do when you feel that overwhelm? Does it end up snowballing into greater sins?

Kate: If I don’t recognize that or particularly want to change it, [it] does snowball and I catch myself drifting away for sure. There are times when I want to stay mad. [It’s] my pride I think! But it only comes back to hurt me.

There are times when I do recognize that feeling of being overwhelmed early on and am able to reset.

I like to read from the scriptures about Christ which always brings me that peace and helps me to overcome those sins.

How has God demonstrated to you His grace through this struggle?

Kate: It is in those moments where I feel such overwhelming guilt that I was [am] mean and unkind to my precious children. I beg God that I feel His grace more than ever.

Sometimes it is through passages of the scriptures. Other times I hear His voice come into my mind always comforting and loving me despite my mistakes.

Sarah: That is beautiful!

I had a time in my life, when I was in my twenties when I had allowed sin into my life. It started in my heart when I was in college because I had some anger towards God about some things. By the time I was in the second year of my career, the sin manifested in my life fully. But nobody aside from me knew about it. It was my dark little secret. I was still serving in my church, teaching in children’s ministry, going to my community groups, and in general, still living the Christian life, outwardly.

A friend from college called me one night and asked me, “How is your relationship with God Sarah?” She reminded me of David’s transparency and vulnerability in his relationship with God. When David was angry, he would express his anger verbally through prayer and song. He asked God to vindicate him. He asked this often, even though his own heart was not always aligned with God’s heart.

That night I leaned into God’s grace. And God’s grace! It broke me. I fell onto my knees in my bedroom and began pouring out all the anger I had. I spent time repenting, and leaning hard into Him.

And yes, I learned that though I certainly didn’t deserve it, and still don’t, God’s grace is freely given.

Kate: That is so beautiful! I think a lot of Christians do certainly have an experience like that where they overcome a struggle and feel God’s grace.

Grace, Favor, and Blessing in Our Relationships

Sarah: Grace, favor, and blessing are not necessarily the same in their meaning. However, they are largely interconnected. The favor we have from God is in many cases an extension of God’s grace which He has given to us. Our relationships with people do not always reflect this, but there are times when people in our lives can extend favor to us freely when we don’t necessarily deserve it. When this happens in our lives, it is an example of others extending grace to us.

Describe a circumstance in which someone extended grace to you that you believe was undeserved.

Kate: I think children are the best at giving grace, especially when it is undeserved.

Just recently I was so sleep deprived. I was trying to get my children to transition into their own rooms. Also I was grouchy all day long and just irritable at everything they did. I yelled and was upset. Finally I had enough and just cried. Toward the afternoon I finally was able to calm down and felt such remorse. I cuddled and held my sweet children and they acted as if nothing had happened.  They give me the best grace anyone could ever give. They love me despite my weaknesses and struggles.

Sarah: Yes, I totally believe this! My son, despite the angel that he is, sometimes gets himself into trouble. Usually it is because he’s not listening and not taking care of his responsibilities around the house. I, more than my husband, have a tendency to lose my patience with him and raise my voice. In fact, the other day I did end up saying some unkind things to him that later I felt terrible about it. There was no verbal abuse, but just using manipulation and trying to make him feel guilty. Anyhow, after awhile he came over to me and asked me if I know who his best friend is. I was still pretty upset. But I looked up at him and said, ‘who?’ My son said with somewhat of a broken smile, ‘you are mommy.’

Of course my heart just melted away and I had to give him a big hug. I also took some time a little while later to talk with him and apologize to him for the unkind things I said. I also made sure he understood that no matter how frustrated I may be at him, I will still love him, always.

Oftentimes children will be quick to forgive and extend grace because they are desperate for our love and affection. When something happens that may jeopardize our love and affection for them, they begin to feel insecure. I knew when my son said that to me, it was his unique way of seeking out that reassurance that I still love him.

I think God extends grace to us in a similar way. Now, we understand that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is always doing well and never insecure. He doesn’t need that reassurance from us, and that is not why He extends grace. However, God does deeply desires our love and affection! He extends grace so that we can come to Him and repent, and allow Him to bring healing, reconciliation, and redemption, if that makes sense.

I will also add that our parents are a beautiful example of grace extended to us that is often undeserved, especially in our younger years when we lived under their roof. I cannot begin to count the number of times I disrespected my parents, made very poor decisions, destroyed their belongings and property (of course through accidents, but still), etc. And yet, they love me. Even in the midst of their frustrations towards me, they always remained my loving parents, full of grace.

Kate: That is such a good point! I totally felt that same way when I became a parent. It wasn’t until I became a mom that I realized how much disrespect and trouble I caused my parents. But regardless, they only gave me more love in return.

I love that grace is not something only God gives, but we can give it freely as well. When we do, it only helps us draw closer to God as well.

Living Under God’s Grace

In general, do you believe humans are more inclined to: (1) Believe we deserve the favor and blessings of others because we are so wonderful (2) Believe we are undeserving and any favor and blessing we do get are hard earned?

Kate: I think we tend to believe that we are undeserving and any favor and blessing we do get is hard earned by ourselves. For instance, when someone wants to serve us, oftentimes we deny it or don’t feel worthy of that service. I think it is because we immediately think there are plenty of others who deserve it more than us. We will serve all day long, but if someone tries to serve us, we struggle and believe we don’t deserve it.

Sarah: Yeah! I totally agree with the thought that we feel as though we don’t deserve other people’s help, gifts, blessings, service, whatever it may be. However, I also want to add that in addition, or perhaps aside from our feelings that we don’t deserve favor from others, we also tend to allow our pride to get in the way of receiving favor. I think there are many people who struggle with accepting love, favor, blessings from others because they feel like they don’t need it, or that it makes them appear weak and insufficient (even if they do actually need it). There is this mentality, especially among women, that ‘I can do it myself. I can handle it on my own. I don’t need help.’

Kate: Yes I completely agree!

Sarah: Going back to The Ragamuffin Gospel, Manning writes about how our attempts to earn favor, blessing, and the bottom line- salvation, is futile. Whether we believe we deserve it or not, grace is always extended through Jesus.

Why is this concept such a difficult one for us to grasp and live by?

Kate: I think this is so difficult for us to grasp because in the worldly view of things, this concept is not generally accepted. People often don’t live by this in their daily lives, so why would they believe it?

Sarah: That’s so true! We don’t generally live our lives accepting things freely. Everything we do from the moment we are old enough to walk has either a positive outcome or a negative consequence. We do well in school, we get good grades. When we get good grades, we get a reward from our parents. We complete our chores, we get an allowance. If we win soccer games, we get to advance to the tournament. We win the tournament, we get the trophy. When we get our college degree, the reward is a high paying entry level job. If we show up on time, work late hours, and accomplish some noticeable goals that benefit the company, we get the promotion.

You see my point. Everything we do is earned by achieving and accomplishing something, and vice versa. This world is not set up in such a way that makes it easy to accept grace because that is not what we are conditioned for.

Why Pride Gets in the Way

I mentioned pride earlier, which can often get in the way of our ability to just accept a blessing or gift from others. Do you think that same pride is what makes it so difficult to accept and live under God’s grace?

Kate: Yes I definitely think pride is a huge part of this problem. I know whenever I get into an argument with my husband, I will sometimes have that thought to simply forgive him and move on despite the hurt it caused me. However, sometimes my pride instantly argues back that I deserve an apology and deserve “pay back” before I can give my forgiveness. We often stay mad and wait until someone makes up for their mistakes instead of simply giving them grace and moving on.

Sarah: Yes, that is very true. The unfortunate thing is that there really is no ‘making up’ for previous mistakes, is there! The minute we think someone else is doing well and maturing and growing beyond those mistakes that have so deeply offended and hurt us, they do something else that offends and hurts. And we also do that to others. Let’s be honest, we are imperfect humans and we are really good at hurting each other. But that is where grace comes into play.

When it’s Time to Forgive and Extend Grace

Speaking of hurting others and extending grace to those who have hurt us, we can’t really have a conversation about grace without talking about forgiveness. Can you share about forgiveness and how it is also interconnected to grace?

Kate: Yes of course! Forgiveness is another beautiful gift that comes from grace. When we sin and make mistakes, the first step in overcoming is to recognize you [we] messed up and to feel remorse for it. When we have those feelings of remorse, we can ask God or the person we’ve wronged to forgive us for our mistake and to move on.

Giving Ourselves Grace Too

Are there any additional thoughts you would like to share about grace?

Kate: I think it is crucial to give yourself grace. We will make countless mistakes on this journey through life, and we often hold it against ourselves harder than anyone else. Allowing ourselves grace for our mistakes will not only help us give grace to others, but also allow God’s grace in our lives. When we do this, our lives will be changed forever.

Sarah: You make such a good point about giving grace to ourselves too! It is so much easier to empathize and show compassion to others when we know we have made similar mistakes.

What are some practical ways that we can begin to show ourselves grace?

How to Live in God’s Grace

Kate: I love to practice positive affirmations or mantras, especially at night before going to bed. I like to meditate a bit and then simply tell myself:

• Today I made mistakes and that is okay. I can try again tomorrow.
• I am not a bad mom/person for making mistakes.
• Sometimes making mistakes helps me to grow.
• I know I can do better tomorrow, and I will.

A lot of it is your mindset. Don’t beat yourself up when you make mistakes. Acknowledge them, and move on.

I also like to think that even if we simply got 1% better each day, by the end of our lives, we would have made a significant change. 1% is not much day by day, but it will add up and make the difference in the end. That has helped me a lot when I do make mistakes.

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How can we begin to believe and truly live within God’s grace?

Kate: I think the more you learn about Christ and His atonement the more you will believe in His grace. Learn more about how He suffered for your sins and died for you. The more we study and draw closer to Him, the more we will use and be willing to accept His grace.

Sarah: What are some practical ways to ‘draw closer to God’ and ‘study Him’?

Kate: I love to read in the Bible Christ’s life from the apostles perspectives. Each time I read I learn something new. I also like to pray to understand Christ more daily. Serving others also helps me to draw closer to Christ as well. I think every good thing you do will help you draw closer to God.

Sarah: Thank you so much Kate for taking the time to join me in the conversation and share your thoughts regarding the grace of God and how we can begin to model that and extend grace to others and to ourselves.

Key Highlights on God’s Grace

• Grace is necessary because we as humans always come up short and fail ourselves and others.
• God’s grace can filter out the overwhelm, stress, guilt, and anxiety we feel that builds up around our mistakes. What is left is peace, compassion, and love, which we can then extend to others and ourselves.
• God extends His grace because He deeply desires our love and affection. He wants to initiate healing, reconciliation, and redemption in our lives.
• When we can learn to give ourselves grace, we can more readily extend grace to others.
• When we can learn to give ourselves grace, we can more readily receive God’s grace in our lives.

Take Action Steps

• Rely on God’s grace daily through reading the Bible, spending time in prayer, and inviting God to join you throughout your day.
• Pray and release! Release your burdens (the overwhelm, stress, guilt, anxiety, and anything else that is weighing you down) to God through prayer and worship.
• Download some affirmations. Make a daily habit of saying out loud some relevant positive affirmations that apply directly to your personal struggle.
• Don’t beat yourself up anymore! Instead, acknowledge the mistakes and move on.
• Change doesn’t happen overnight. Give yourself and others time.

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Need Amazing Grace? It is Undeserved, yet Freely Given